The Long and the Short of It

Original Text: 
Steve Venright, Spiral Agitator (Toronto: Coach House Books, 2000): 17-19. PS 8593 .E58S64 2000 Robarts Library
1The good news is that Jesus has returned.
2The bad news is that he's brought his family.
3The result is that nothing will ever be the same again (not that it ever was).
4The good news is that the earth is round (or roundish, anyway).
5The bad news is that it's floating in space.
6The result is that we're going to have to think fast.
7The good news is that our bodies are mostly water and so are relatively inexpensive to maintain.
8The bad news is that, due to global warming, water levels are rising.
9The result is that it's impossible to keep your head above water, unless you drain it.
10The good news is that the century is almost over.
11The bad news is that another one is about to begin.
12The result is that there is nowhere to hide.
13The good news is that tons of radio waves are passing through us at all times.
14The bad news is that we can't hear them unless we buy a radio.
15The result is that we're left with a sense of violation and dismay, which is sometimes unintentionally transmitted to our fellow beings.
16The good news is that the government has fallen.
17The bad news is that it has fallen on us.
18The result is that everything will always be the same forever (not that it ever wasn't).
19The good news is that everything old is new again.
20The bad news is that you have to pay for it twice.
21The result is that the cyclical is as taxable as the static.
22The good news is that the meek shall inherit the earth.
23The bad news is that there won't be much left of it after the brave have had their day.
24The result is that the meek should probably get together and attempt to colonize Space at their earliest possible convenience.
25The good news is that your star is rising.
26The bad news is that your power animal is extinct.
27The result is that you will more or less break even on the New Age.
28The good news is that the Kingdom of Heaven is within.
29The bad news is that you can't find the damn thing.
30The result is that you will redecorate your apartment.
31The good news is that Art is long.
32The bad news is that Life is short.
33The result is that you should invest in Art while you're still alive.
RPO poem Editors: 
Ian Lancashire / Sharine Leung
RPO Edition: 
2011
Rhyme: 
Form: 
Special Copyright: 

Copyright © Steve Venright and used by permission of the poet. Authorization to republish this poem must be obtained from him in writing.