The Oxford Book of Comic Verse. Edited by John Gross. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1994: 359-60. PR1195 .H8 O88 1994 Robarts Library
1There were three little owls in a wood,
2Who sang hymns whenever they could.
3 What the words were about,
4 One could never make out,
5But one felt it was doing them good.
6When Daddy and Mum got quite plastered,
7And their shame had been thoroughly mastered,
8 They told their bot, Harry:
9 'Son, we never did marry.
10But don't tell the neighbours, you bastard.'
11There was aince an auld body o' Sydney
12Wha suffered frae pains in the kidney.
13 He prayed tae the Lord
14 That he micht be restored,
15And He promised He would--but He didnae!
16A young schizophrenic named Struther,
17When told of the death of his brother,
18 Said: "Yes, it's too bad,
19 But I can't feel too sad--
20After all, I still have each other.'
21There was an Archdeacon who said:
22'May I take off my gaiters in bed?'
23 But the Bishop said: 'No,
24 Wherever you go
25You must wear them until you are dead.'
Also published in Sweet & Sour: an anthology of comic verse. Edited by Christopher Logue. London : B.T. Batsford, 1983.
RPO poem Editors:
Ian Lancashire, assisted by Ana Berdinskikh